Time goes on ... and so does the weight

June. That was my last entry. Why oh why oh why oh why ...

Blah blah blah ...

Its not fair ...

My back hurts ...

I'll start Monday ...

My gym membership lapsed  ...

I can't touch my toes ...

Its dark at 6am ... and cold ...

Sound familiar ? Will I EVER be able to start something and stick to it? If I was Chris Columbus on the Santa Maria ...

Day 1
Road trip, this rocks ! My own ship, paid for by a queen (insert gay joke here, My own crew, my own sails, barrels of wine, lifting weights on deck, food for months, the adventure of meeting new people, watching sea life from the deck, working on my tan, time for reading. So much fun !

Day 2
Are we there yet?

Anyway ... today is another day. Maybe I'll go for a walk. 

This ended well, not.

So even thought we all have the best of intentions things may not work out as well as we had hoped. Yet again I have started something and have not seen it through to the end. But at least I tried and when I decide to start back at the gym I'll know a little more of how to do things. Besides I have found a better way to loose weight ... it's called the break-up diet. 

Dear David, personal trainer ...

You suck, you suck, you suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck. 

Oh did I mention ... you suck. 

See you tomorrow.     

Blah ...

I'm feeling a bit blah today. My last workout with David was Monday. I did a little cardio on Wednesday, 30 minutes. But nothing since. Could I actually be missing him? Or more to the point ... the workouts ? I think so, very cool!

It happened in between sit-up 18 and 19. I was pulling myself up with every bit of strength I could muster up and I actually said, "I'm gonna die!" He had the nerve to chuckle and say "No you're not"

Really? Then why is my vision blurred ?Why does my chest feel like an elephant is sitting on it ? Why do I hear the howls from a thousand dead souls? 


As I stopped screaming he handed me a towel to wipe the sweat from my eyes and said "Give me the ball and give me 10 more."

And so it goes ...

In the life of a gym-bunnie a week without working out is forever. Now I'm not saying I'm a gym-bunnie, not by any means. But I will say that my stride has been off since Monday, my last work out. I guess that's a good thing. Life got in the way last week and I didn't have time. But lesson learned, make time. 

Pizza day

   Since the 19th of Jan I have been faithful to David. I have done everything he has told me. I have cut out carbs after 5pm. I have increased my protein. I have increased my fruit and veggie intake. I have even changed my attitude, most of the time. But today I was presented with a problem … lunch. More specifically, pizza. I once shot a man for the last piece of pepperoni pizza. That's a lie, it was sausage. But you get the idea. I LOVE MY PIZZA.

   Think about it …let's break it down. Meat, grain, veggie's and fruit's(tomatoes, yes I'm reaching). It's got it all. So really I'm doing my body a favor. But I guess after the 4th slice the above argument loses some steam. 

   But I don’t feel too bad (figuratively speaking of course, physically speaking I feel like a stuffed tick) because I HAVE been faithful to the cause. My cause. After all it is all about me and the way I FEEL not look. Because as we know beauty is skin deep and you are as young as you feel and don’t judge a book by its cover and … F that … where’s the pizza ? ! ? ! ? 

   By the way … David does not know of my Blog and is not on Face Book, hence my balls to post this

Lifestyle change

   Five weeks into my new "lifestyle" (no, I didn't go straight) and I'm feeling good. No ... GREAT ! I no longer huff and puff as David puts me through my dog and pony show. Well, I might huff but no more puffing. Today was the first day after a workout I could get in and out of the car without moaning and groaning and holding on to the door ! Go me !

Shallow party of one ...

How shallow am I ? Ok I'll bite ... how shallow ARE you? ME:OMG I've been working out for 1 month and have not lost one pound!



FRIEND:But how do you feel?


ME: GREAT ! Lots more energy, more positive tude.


FRIEND:So what's the problem????


ME:This is LA dude (yes I said dude) ... I don't want to FEEL better I want to LOOK better !

I am the puppy, goo goo ka choo ...

   I noticed that I follow David (Frenchie trainer) around like a puppy begging for attention. He moves to the left, I move to the left. He steps back, I move behind and step back. I guess that's a good thing otherwise I'd be standing in the middle of the gym looking a bit foolish. 

I've noticed that with every session I feel better and better about myself. I've only seen David 5 times but the mental transformation is amazing. I think the physical will take a little longer but for someone who thrives on instant gratification ... I'm a happy puppy. 

Two weeks and counting

   Its been two weeks since my first workout and I'm still sore. Well kind of. I finally got movement back to my legs. I can actually walk up stairs without holding on to the railing. My arms are slowing coming back to life. But the silver lining in all of this ... I FEEL GREAT ! My mood has improved I don't pant as I go up stairs. All in all things are only getting better.

First week done !

I started my journey into weight loss, finally. Wednesday I met with my trainer at 7am for my first session. David is tall, dark, handsome AND french. At least I'll have something nice to look at while he puts me through my paces. It's been about two years since I did any sort of training/workout, and boy does time take a toll on a body. I told him to be kind ... I don't think he heard me.

About half way into the hour it started. The snap, crackle pop's. My body was pleading "UNCLE" ..."I give" ... "Lets go back to our warm bed". My personal-pay-by-the-hour-to-torture-lots-o-money-trainer was deaf to my body's screams. Eventually the screams stopped (I think my inner voice passed out) only to be followed by "1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 more" and "good job" followed by "give me 10 more". Really ? 10 more? Is this even legal? I think I read a story once about a guy who was arrested for this exact thing. And to think I'm PAYING him for this service.

You know how the dentist asks you all kinds of questions while he has his fist in your mouth? Well ...

David - "Have you been to Paris?"

Me - "Yes ... I ... love ... Paris (HUFF WHEEZE) ... in ... the ... (PANT PANT) ... summer (GAG)"

David - "Have you been lately?"

Me - "No ... (HUFF HUFF HUFF) ... not ... since ... (WHEEEEEZE) ... "

Its just as annoying !

And by the way ... gyms have found a way to slow down time. The clock says 8:08 and 27 minutes later it says 8:10.

And another thing ... . why does all gym equipment look like Medieval torture devises? Shouldn't they be welcoming? Pretty? Equipped with a bar and TV?

I did work my way through the pain and came out the other side a better person. Or at least a sweatier person. I hit the showers and made my way to work. Around 1115a/1130a I realized I had been going non-stop since I left the gym. Wow, what a great natural high ! My entire day "buzzed" by. They say it's the endorphins. I say its my way of ignoring my inner voice begging me not to go back.

By the way ... I can't wait to see David again. I guess I'm just a gluten for punishment.

Midlife ?

At what age does a man have a midlife crisis ? 40? 45? 47? Midlife means the middle of life, right? I'm 47 so that means I'll live to 94? Or did I already have it and I miss it. Did it pass me by while I was watching my shows? That would suck. Where is my Corvette? My 26 year old boyfriend?

Do gay men have them later because they stay in shape longer then straight men? Boy, do I have some catching up to do.

Other then wanting to keep (recapture) my youth what else do I have to look forward to? A change in music taste? Dancing till all hours of the night with a gaggle of 20-somethings? Drinking vodka out of a shoe?

Didn't I do all that in my 20's?

Is that what I have to look forward to? I'm to old for that. Maybe I should be thankful it DID pass me by. Maybe I should just be happy I made it this far, unscathed. Well, relatively unscathed. Maybe I should just be focused on today and getting in shape for the 50 somethings. Because as we all know ... life is to short.

So Monday came and went ... and no work out. What can I say. I wasn't ready. BUT ... I do start on Wednesday. I prepaid my trainer, so I don't have a choice. Right?

So Monday is the big day ... I start with my personal trainer. Oh happy day. Why do I have butterfly's in my stomach ? So to get in the mood I have been really watching what I eat, no sugar and low carbs. Down from 205 to 200. It's a start.